Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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