I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
