Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
