I wish i was in the wii world.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
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After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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