STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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