No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
