I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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