I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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