Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
