So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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