i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
