I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
