Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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