i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
