Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
