the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
