Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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