I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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