She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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