you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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