can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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