So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
