He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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