HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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