it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
