the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just wanna soil my oats bro
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
