Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
