Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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