i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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