You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
