Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
