you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
