Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I didn't shave. On purpose
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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