so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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