In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
