when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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