I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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