mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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