Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
