THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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