When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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