I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize