You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Help. Why am I so naked?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
