Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
