I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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