Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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