It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
