my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
