But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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