Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
