need another drink. this is the easiest way
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
