We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
