I accidentally had phone sex last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
