Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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