but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
