I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
