the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
