I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
