man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
