the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
