I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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