I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
