if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
