U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We have started to decorate penises.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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