I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
