So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
