Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
