I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
