I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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