Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
