My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
