U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
they need to just BURY HIM!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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