how can u be prego again
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
