You made me cry and you don't even care
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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