So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
