My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
