My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i need some magic done to my vagina
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
